The Forgotten Gospels
by Ridicully L
Summary: As a final test, the Devil struck Jesus with amnesia... Ch. 2: Jesus (aka Joe) picks up his discip- oops, campaign co-workers for G.O.D. in Galilee...
1. Intro: Temptation

Disclaimer: I don't own the Bible (nor any Bible characters whose names appear in this fic).

OK, this is a trial version. If the font turns out funny I will fix it. For the mean time I hope it is readable.

This is inspired by Norman Steve's fic "An Unlikely Hero", which is side-crackingly funny and has been a muse to me ever since I read it. Thanks for your great contribution to FFnet!

To other writers: Doubtlessly this subject has been done any numberof times already, however, if it bears any resemblance to you fics it is purely coincidental.

The Forgotten Gospels

Intro--- Temptation

"I shall give you all the kingdoms of the world, if you will bow down and worship me."

The silken words hung in the air before him; they encircled him eagerly, like a lost kitten, begging to be picked up and patted. But to the Chosen One, the answer to the question was painfully obvious--- like a stake to the heart.

"Get away from me, Satan, for it is written 'You shall worship only the Lord your God!'"

At his reply the words flowing around him faded, but the swirl of the air strengthened, forming a vortex, from which someone stepped out silently.

No one knew for sure why the Prince of Darkness fell from Heaven. Some said his pride could not bear the greatness of God; others suggested that he wanted to taste the power over others for himself. Whatever the case, the fact that he hated God remained undisputed...

He looked like a human, but it was also apparent that he was not one: his body bore no mark of gravity and the wear and tear of movement; his face, untouched by weather and emotion; The one impression he gave Jesus was that he was exceedingly thin, though not emaciated--- like an animal, starved to the brink of death, that had been forced to eat its own kind...

His other impressionable features were his eyes: they were cold and inaccessible, like the face of a glacier; yet at the same time, there was nothing in there at all--- no fear, hatred or guilt. If eyes are windows to the soul, one's gaze could be sucked into those eyes forever--- without finding a trace of one.

Jesus tore his gaze from those eyes with some effort. "Begone! You have been defeated, Satan."

The apparition smiled in a way that meant nothing at all. "Defeated?" It said with sarcasm. "You do not know the meaning of defeat. I have yet to give you the fourth question."

"Aren't three supposed to be the norm?" After all, four wasn't a particularly symbolic number.

"This one is for extra credit," Hissed Satan, walking up to Jesus. As the latter averted his gaze from the devil's eyes, Satan reached out a hand suddenly and placed two cold fingers against Jesus' forehead.

"You shall have time to think about your reply." He whispered. Then there was a bright light...

* * *

He got up from his uncomfortable position on the rocks under a flamethrower sun. As the aching of his head subsided a bit, three questions fought to register his attention at the same time: 

_Where is this place?_

_What am I doing here?_

_Who am I?_

Can this be--- a warning light started flashing on and off in his head--- amnesia?

Wait a minute--- if he had lost his memory, how did he know what 'amnesia' was?

Deciding that there would be a better time to delve deeper into psychology, he crawled to the limited shade offered by a boulder, and thanked his stars that memory loss hadn't included his survival skills. Actually, his head felt less like an empty slate than a tangled ball of yarn--- it appeared that everything he knew was in there, he just couldn' t make head or tail of it.

With common sense he reached the conclusion that he was in some sort of a wilderness; but as for his identity he still had no clue, although he deduced that whoever he was, he must have been insane to wander around in a place like this. The one thing he wished to know above all others was, however, which way he should take to get outta there...

_Don't worry, you can figure this out... just go where the vegetation becomes thicker... _a voice in his head told him.

Seeing that there's not much point in staying there, he followed his instincts and set off.

As the vegetation thickened he came upon a stream, and with a whoop of joy he jumped into it, gulping mouthfuls of cool water hungrily. Suddenly, a shadow fell across the water. He looked up to behold a bizarre sight--- a thin, extremely hairy man was goggling at him--- on closer inspection, , however, it appeared that some of the hair belonged to the skins of various animals slung over his body. Shaking as if he had made a great discovery, the man boomed:

"BEHOLD THE LAMB OF GOD!"

_Gosh, I wonder what the sun had done to his head_,was his first thought, but common sense told him that when someone started thinking other people are lamb chops, there's only one thing to do for it--- run like Hell.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leaping out of the water with the grace of a gazelle, he tore off into the distance with a piercing scream. If he hadn't lost his memory, it would probably have pleased him to know that he had broken his previous track record. Encountering a cannibal does miracles to one's turn of speed.

On the bank, St. John the Baptist scratched his head and goggled some more. He was supposed to be the herald of the Lord, and he wondered what's wrong with doing a little heralding for once...

He scratched his head again, and gave his cheek a pinch. _Maybe it's those mushrooms I had... _he consoled himself.

Besides... one really shouldn't expect the Son of God to behave like normal people...

... Or should one?

Next: The Sea of Galilee


	2. The Sea of Galilee

Disclaimer: The Bible and its characters don't belong to me.

Author's note: Sorry to anyone offended by the pointlessness of the intro --- let's call it the quiet before the storm!

The Forgotten Gospels

02- The Sea of Galilee

Being hunted to be consumed was the most traumatizing event in his living (albeit short) memory. After having made sure that the fur-products-clad lunatic was no longer on his trail, he made the following decision:

"From now on, I'm going to be a vegetarian." He declared. Anyway, it's not going to take much of an effort on his part, since all he had in his possession was a piece of bread that was a free giveaway from some temple festival. Aside from being vegan, the bread had the additional merit of regaining its lost mass whenever it was eaten. He never noticed this, though, as he attributed it to his own frugality and improvement in intestinal absorption by adopting a more healthy diet...

After that, he gradually made his way to the Sea of Galilee. Why? Possibly it was the Holy Spirit guiding his footsteps... but a more likely explanation was that having cut fish from his diet, he was iodine-deficient, and therefore needed sea salt intake. So... off to Galilee!

The warm sunshine and Mediterranean sea breezes of Galilee was just what the doctor would have ordered... but the economy there was a dismal scene. As the salt-seeker munched on kelp, he was greeted by fleets of fishing boats, returning empty-hulled and with fishermen wringing their hands in despair.

One of them noticed him, and gave him some encouraging advice:

"Hey! Wherever you're from, it's best for you to go back there. The unemployment rate here is high enough as it is."

"What's the matter?"

"We aren't catching any fish." Was the reply.

Hearing the fishermen's plight, our main character took pity on them of course, since he realized that unlike him, (most) men couldn't live on bread alone.

"I want to help you." He said, before realizing that the other half of the conversation had already left. Being patient with fish didn't mean fishermen had to be patient with people as well.

Two of the younger fishermen were looking at him interestedly. "How are you going to help us?" One asked.

"Well..." He hesitated. "... actually, I don't know."

"Oh, swell." Said the other one, somewhat disappointed. "For a moment, I thought you're gonna wave a magic wand and fill the sea with fish."

Strange voices started whispering in our main character's head... Suddenly, although he still had no idea what he could do, he knew what had to be done:

"I've got it!" He said, triumphantly. "Let's fill the sea with fish!"

"How?"

"That's what we have to work out... "

* * *

After holding a 3-hour long meeting in which a group of interested passersby (mostly children playing in the streets and sunbathing old people) brainstormed for ideas on the fish problem, the following opinions were collected: 

_Topic: Where has our fish gone? _

_-In the old days there used to be more fish. _

_-The nets are catching younger, smaller fish._

_-The nets nowadays have smaller holes._

_-People are spending more time catching fish because of the rising price of food._

-......

-......

... so on and so forth...

"Well, one thing certainly stands out." Admitted the fisherman Simon. "The declining fish catch has something to do with the use of finer-mesh netting."

"That doesn't make sense." Said Andrew, the other fisherman. "If you have a better net, you ought to catch more fish. Stands to reason."

One of the children piped up. "I think there is less fish because you aren' t leaving any of the baby fish in the sea."

"Don't be absurd," Said Simon hotly. "The sea is huge. How can we ever fish the sea empty?"

"Whoa, Simon, please calm down." Said the meeting facilitator, who was the man with no name. "A new opinion has just been expressed. Shall we explore that possibility a little?"

..._3 more hours later... _

"Let's see if we can reach a consensus," Said the facilitator. "So do we all agree that the declining fish catch has something to do with the increase in netting density? Let's have a show of hands... all agreed? Great! See? We' re making progress!"

"So what now?" Said Simon grudgedly. "We' ve just agreed that we have a problem, but what should we do?"

* * *

... _yet another few hours later... _

"Where have you been?" Gavin' s father sprouted a displeased frown as he watched his seven-year-old son crash into the house. There was a different look in the kid' s eyes today, the kind children get when they finally figure out how to use that stepladder to access the cookie jar.

"Dad," Said the juvenile breathlessly. "You must make the holes in your fishing net bigger!"

Gavin' s dad blinked a few times. "What are you talking about?" He said. "Are you trying to wriggle out of the net repair job tonight?"

"You' ve got to make them big so that the baby fish can escape." Insisted the boy.

"Why?" His dad gaped again. "What' s wrong with catching all the fish? It' s a waste to leave them swimming in the sea."

"You need to let them go," Said Gavin stubbornly. "because when I grow up, I need to catch them for a living."

"That' s a long time later!"

"Yeah, that' s why you have to start now, so they have time to grow bigger."

"Listen, boy, you' re being foolish," Gavin' s dad shook his head good-humoredly. "That' s not going to solve the problem! Even if I don' t catch all the fish, everyone else will do it."

"Then I' ll ask everyone else not to do it tomorrow." Said the child purposefully. "So are you going to de-net or not?"

"De-what? Who put all this nonsense into your head?"

"We came up with the idea all together," Gavin said proudly. "by 'we', I mean the Galilee Operation De-net." As an afterthought, he added hurriedly, "and I' m an executive of the operation."

"I don' t know what all this is about, but it sounds like total baloney to me," grumbled Gavin' s dad. "Besides, you know what? If I catch more fish, there' s more money for you to go find a better job in the future."

But Gavin was adamant. "I don' t want your money--- I just want _my_ fish. Are you going to de-net or not?" He said hopefully, eyeing his dad with shiny puppy-eyes.

"Well... " Gavin' s dad hesitated, but Gavin was already brandishing a pair of scissors.

"Hey! Wait!"

_Snip! Snip! _

* * *

A couple months later, the Galilee Operation De-net had spread dread to every corner of the coast. Not only were fishermen getting ready for a fresh day' s work constantly swarmed by throngs of children demanding "responsibility to the future generation", there were also door-to-door campaigns offering education and free net-snipping services. Many had gotten used to sliding into the cellar at the slightest knock on the door until the all-clear was blown. 

"Oh, no!" They would say to each other in dismay. "They' ve come to spread the message of G . O. D. again!"

Of course, someone had to be blamed for all this harassment to public peace. When Galilee Operation De-net held a meeting a month later, thousands of irate fishermen showed up, demanding to see the person responsible. The spokesperson of G . O. D. was called Joe. Previously, he had had no memory of his real name, but Simon and Andrew thought Joe was a pretty good bet for a name since 'Jo' was a fairly common prefix for names (John, Joshua, Jonah, Joseph, etc…), so Joe he was...

"What' s all this fuss with de-netting?" Yelled one fisherman. "I know responsibility to the future generation is important, but we can' t afford to lose productivity! Don' t you know how expensive food is nowadays?"

"We do, and our organization has given it much thought," Said Joe. "So we want to propose a scheme in which everyone gets to work less but have more to eat."

The annoyance of the crowd subsided quickly. If looks could kill, most of the people in the hall would be regretting their previous glares right now.

"The crux of the problem is, you are fishing as hard as you can but not getting much money for your fish. On the other hand, the farmers around here are farming as hard as they can but aren't making much money from selling their grain. either," Said Joe, after wiping sweat off his forehead surreptitiously. "Thus, we propose setting up a scheme in which everyone in the fishing profession reach an understanding with the farmers and exchange your fish for their grain, skipping the cash part. After all, you need grain and they need fish, it' s just that neither of you can afford what you need."

The elders of Galilee hesitated. "So we' re back to a barter system? But isn' t that very... crude?"

"You' ll be thankful for it in the long run," Joe pointed out. "During famines, even if you had money you probably won' t be able to afford grain. However, if you can work out a scheme with the farmers I am sure they will be willing to contribute enough grain to keep everyone alive during the hard times. You, on the other hand, won' t need to catch more fish than what people actually need. I think that' s mutually beneficial."

"How can we be sure that the farmers keep their side of the deal?" Argued someone.

"Well, you' ve got to trust them." Said Joe straightforwardly. "What made you trust money in the first place?"

After some more heated debate, the elders of Galilee made their decision. "I think this sounds like quite an innovative approach," the head of the committee admitted. "we might work out some kind of a plan. In the meantime, can all fishermen who are interested in joining the scheme come over this way?"

The subsequent stampede nearly flattened him.

* * *

"I wonder if we have succeeded." Remarked James, a fisherman who was an executive in G . O. D.. "It seems that everyone has gotten serious about the idea of catching less fish now, but I don' t see more fish in the sea." 

"Well, it' s gonna take time before the fish come back," Said John, another fisherman in the operation, pragmatically. "You can' t expect it to be like a miracle."

"_I_ think it' s a miracle that everyone has decided to work together." Said Simon, wiping cold sweat off his brow. "For a moment, I thought that crowd' s gonna mince and feed us to the fish..."

"Yeah, thank God for Joe..."

As there weren' t many nets left to de-net (according to the youth volunteers), the Galilee Operation De-net had decided to call their work to a close. While many of its members wereworking on negotiating with farming communities, the founders of G . O . D. decided to go on a trip around Galilee for some stress relief...

Next: Travels around Galilee


End file.
